Bill Casselman

just to make you laugh

At the Wording Desk

words formed into funny sayings guaranteed to raise a chuckle or two

Happy Folk Sayings


1. Lady in a Bar: “Never went to bed with an ugly man. Woke up with a few though.”

2. I’ve seen live bait smarter than him.

3. How stupid is she? If you pick her up and put your ear to her ear, you can hear the sea.

4. Bully’s Threat: I’m gonna feed you a shut-up sandwich. (A punch in the mouth is on the way.)

 5. Done a lot of travel? Hell, boy, I’ve been about as far as salt water wants to go. (This was an old sailor’s modest estimate of his seafaring excursions.)

6. We were so poor, we never had decorations on the Christmas tree unless Grandpa sneezed.

7. How nasty was he? He has to sneak up on a glass of milk or he’d sour it.

8. Tongue-tied? That dude couldn’t adlib a fart at a bean supper.

9. The gene pool around here could use a little chlorine.

10. How do you know you’re in North Carolina? Easy. When you cut your front lawn, you find a car.

11. I got rid of my alcohol problem. I divorced him.

12. She has a room temperature IQ. Knows enough to pick the flowers, but still sticks them in her ear.

13. Good leader? He couldn’t organize a group shit at an Ex-Lax Convention.

14. She's been married so many times, she's got veil rash.

15. He had a smile on him like poison come to supper.

16. When he opens his mouth, it is only to change his foot.

 

3,000 more sayings are available in my paperbacks: Canadian Sayings, Canadian Sayings 2 and Canadian Sayings 3. All three books are out of print but are available at used-book prices from online discounters. Try Amazon first.

 

Bill Casselman
April 24, 2016
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